|
| My last entry is depressing, so I found it fitting to replace it something more current.
Finals week = 8 hours of sleep in 3 days. Not good but very funny to those who actually tried to ask me serious questions in those three days. I didn't really say goodbye to anyone before I left. I'm a sophomore now though. hoooray(!)
I just read "Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime" in maybe 4 hours. I love that book.
A friend asks, one interesting night under the influence, if I am frog. "Shut up! I'm not a frog...I mean...*bends legs* well maybe..."
Dorm Raid - Everyone runs out of the dorm screaming at midnight and runs away from security vans and hides behind trees and gets stoned and duct tapes gates and pours maple syrup in classrooms and jumps in the creek and hides from teachers with flashlights. I am last one to return at 4AM.
Uptight, boring, uneventful, long-distance relationship ends in February. Went out for ice cream that day.
I'm blonde.
Learned to play Slide and taught a friend miss mary mack.
But the best thing about it being summer is this : I don't have anything planned for tomorrow, the next day, the day after, or any day until July 22nd. I'm insanely excited for camp, because it usually ends up being the highlight of my summer. and I write poetry (which I haven't done in over a month)
| | |
| I possibly fall into the most awkward classification of introverts, the ones who keep trying to be extroverts, and only cause themselves stress. I've realized these days that I should stop waiting for something miraculous to happen to me that will change me into a livelier person, and just try to find other ways to be happy in myself. I don't have any patience, that's what gets me every time. I also never take initiative, never want to offend anyone, never want to make enemies, never want to disagree with the people I look up to, but I get it now that that has to change. I, like any other person, have a bad side, and as much as I wish it wasn't there, it gets me in the end when I repress everything.
My gawd, I would apologize to someone who had killed my dog if I had slapped them. Every day I'm too scared to try and form myself, that I only try to imitate the people around me. I wish more than anything I would stop bending to fit what I think people want out of me, and just try to be happy with my good and bad sides. There's so many bad things about me that I don't want to face, I don't think that if I confronted them I would find anything I like about myself. That's why I'm scared to look. I write, but lately even that has been failing me. I can't write for shit these days. I haven't written a poem in months. I am a poet. That's not healthy. I haven't danced in months. I am a dancer. That's not healthy.
It seems like all I do lately is go back and forth between two personalities. In one, I crawl thorugh my day in an unexplainable emotional hell, or in the other, I am well-composed and keep everything to myself. This is a rant. I don't know where the fuck all this came from. (Not hormones, had period 2 weeks ago) but this is valid, solid, and my god someone slap me if I sulk anymore! If you see me sulking, please shoot me! I'm ready for this to be over. | | |
| Vday this year was not as dark and depressing as I thought it would be. It was quite fun actually. I didn't feel sick from massive candy consumption (I have, after 15 years, finally acknowledged that I hate those little chalky candy hearts) and a friend and I decided to be a couple for the day and to break up on the 15th (though insanely pathetic I felt alot better about this than I would if I was alone.)
Currently I am reading Lolita, (an amazing book about a pedophile and a 12 year old girl) and I can only hope that by reading it I can absorb at least a couple slivers of style to put into my own writing.
From excessive sleep deprivation and loss of brain cells, I feel pretty stupid. I can't think of anything intelligent to say about myself or my life. Example above.
| | |
| Goddamnit the Christians are invading our school! All the new kids have arrived, and it seems like I keep on hearing "could you please not talk about evolution around me? It's wrong"
I don't care if they want to be Christian, that's a right, but they're in ARTS school. How the hell do they expect to convert any of us?
New semester, new beginning I hope. My winter break was awesome, but when I got back it was all projects and finals. I'm ready to chill out and get back on top of things.
As for New Years I don't remember anything past about 1 AM.
I've finally gone sledding for the first time in my life, down the amphitheater. Living in the desert makes me probably the only person outisde of Arizona who sled for the first time when they were 15. It was jolly.
Well I'm leaving this damned mountain this weekend, and the weekend after. On that last weekend I will be getting my eyebrow pierced down in LA.
| | |
| Well I could go on for pages about how miserable I was the first month of boarding school, but I choose not to, because it's all too depressing and I kind of still wish I was at home. I write. A lot. I thought that after a while all the creative masturbation would have caught up with me, and the stuff would stop coming, but it hasn't. What happened then was this. I realized I really want to work in the space program, alot. I've been really serious about it. Maybe I should stop worrying about it and have fun while I can as a freshman. I don't know. I think too much. Well since I've been in CA two of my friends are all into hardcore drugs and two friends are completely gay and one of my friends has suddenly turned into a sexy man-magnet. I don't think I've really changed that much. Well, a couple weeks ago I discovered that I like hummus. A lot. With pita. O yah and now I've been alive a whopping 15 years. You know you can start and end a war in 15 years. Damn I'm ancient. What the hell am I doing I have homework... | | |
|
