I possibly fall into the most awkward classification of introverts, the ones who keep trying to be extroverts, and only cause themselves stress. I've realized these days that I should stop waiting for something miraculous to happen to me that will change me into a livelier person, and just try to find other ways to be happy in myself. I don't have any patience, that's what gets me every time. I also never take initiative, never want to offend anyone, never want to make enemies, never want to disagree with the people I look up to, but I get it now that that has to change. I, like any other person, have a bad side, and as much as I wish it wasn't there, it gets me in the end when I repress everything.
My gawd, I would apologize to someone who had killed my dog if I had slapped them. Every day I'm too scared to try and form myself, that I only try to imitate the people around me. I wish more than anything I would stop bending to fit what I think people want out of me, and just try to be happy with my good and bad sides. There's so many bad things about me that I don't want to face, I don't think that if I confronted them I would find anything I like about myself. That's why I'm scared to look. I write, but lately even that has been failing me. I can't write for shit these days. I haven't written a poem in months. I am a poet. That's not healthy. I haven't danced in months. I am a dancer. That's not healthy.
It seems like all I do lately is go back and forth between two personalities. In one, I crawl thorugh my day in an unexplainable emotional hell, or in the other, I am well-composed and keep everything to myself. This is a rant. I don't know where the fuck all this came from. (Not hormones, had period 2 weeks ago) but this is valid, solid, and my god someone slap me if I sulk anymore! If you see me sulking, please shoot me! I'm ready for this to be over.